Waiting on God vs. Waiting on an Answer
At the beginning of the year, my husband and I began making strides towards becoming homeowners, with the goal of having our own address by the end of the year. We met with a realtor and called several lenders to get a better understanding of the market and set our sights on what we thought to be a realistic down-payment goal. The adrenaline pulsed through us as we started to receive daily notifications of homes in the area that fit our criteria, though in my heart (and savings account) I knew that ultimately, the possibilities of this dream becoming a reality was still going to require God’s handiwork.
Of course, just weeks after we set off on this path, we got hit with one financial setback after another. The IRS wanted more money, our recently purchased truck failed to pass emissions, requiring expensive maintenance, my husband’s work hours became wildly inconsistent, and my student loan payments increased. We prayed, we fasted, my husband started looking for a new job, and we reassessed our budget multiple times, yet nothing budged. I carried such a weight of hopelessness and worry. I was tired, and I was at my wits end of trying to figure out what else we could do.
Somewhere in the midst of this, the truth of waiting on God settled on my heart. There is indeed a difference between waiting on answers from God – which had been the hope of my prayers and fasting – and simply waiting on God. In the waiting, there is often not a single thing more that I can do to make things happen. Sure, I could try to force a door to open, but that wouldn’t be the long-awaited gift from my heavenly Father. God has a lengthy history of calling his people to wait. The Israelites waited to enter the Promise Land until the time was just right. Joshua had to wait three days before having the green light to overtake Jericho. And now, here we all are, waiting on Jesus’ return – a very real example of waiting on God.
So, what do we do? We surrender. Admittedly, this isn’t easy and it’s taken me many tears to release what control I thought I had over our financial situation. Ultimately, I was tired of the hopelessness and tired of the worrying. I am so thankful for the realization that what I’d been trying to do was decipher an answer from God that just wasn’t there. Consequently, I’ve been surrounded by peace since relinquishing the reigns. I’ve let myself be reminded of the truth that no, I hadn’t been forgotten or ignored, but it simply wasn’t time for an answer yet.
And it still isn’t. Our budget is still tight, we still have to make that payment to the IRS, and my husband still doesn’t have steady hours at work. But I’ve found that I can actually breathe and function these days. My mind is not burdened with thoughts of what more we could be doing as I have now peacefully settled into the waiting. Oh, how I cannot wait for the day God provides an answer, but until that time, I’ll rest knowing my prayers have been heard and He will provide as He always has and always will.